Saturday, February 28, 2004
went back for relief teaching in css for the past 2 days. it was a good experience. though my feet hurt like nothing. the classes were pretty ok... haha... went into 4/2, and most of their teachers were my teachers. well, they have Mr Yong too... and they were asking me why is Mr Yong so childish... still using super soaker =P went into 1//2 today, and there were this 4 students who were super funny and noisy. just cant stop talking.. went into 1/7 and i almost fainted. wah... karen and giam they all.. really best lorz.. go into every class and tell them ghost stories of css. the minute they know that we were classmates only, they started asking for ghost stories. karen even told them about the 'curse', best lorz... -_-"
the whole school seems to be so busy today. trying to arrange the results, get the grades recorded, printed, arranged together with the testimonial, counting L1R5s, L1B5s and lots of others..
it's disappointting. i dont think that it's the teachers' fault, cos i think all the teachers are really trying very hard, and kept thinking of innovative ways to have their lessons. the overall results were bad.
quite happy for a few of them like xianzhang, edwin, thiong po, jee da and ice. i think they did reasonably well. when edwin saw me... he looked really worried. asked him where he wants to go, and he told me AC. i merely smiled at him and told him, that he'll be able to make it. when he finally received his results, he was so happy, that he just kneeled there and couldnt believe it. it wasnt FANTASTIC, but it was up to his own expectations =) saw tears brimming in his eyes. was really happy for him. saw thiong po before he got his results, and he was telling me that he's worried that he wont be able to stay in jj. well, now, he can even join edwin in AC =)
you see people smiling, grinning.. and you see people crying. the extreme emotions that people felt. han wei and i looked at them and sort of recalled that year when we took our results. we were like this too. can remember how happy all of us were when most of us passed our A maths with flying colours. =) ya... was talking about the old times today... and was saying that we should maybe thank geoffrey wong? cos if it wasnt for him, we wouldnt have work so bloody hard for our A maths. hahah... he was our motivator. we've definitely not let mdm chang down. =)
as everything falls into place... you cant help but think about next week. the deciding day. dooms day. the 5 of us were just sitting in the staffroom and wondering what kind of results we might be getting. the fear of failing GP, of not being able to get into uni. still unsure of what's my backup plan going to be... this is really so dead.
haha.. and so... sok and i werent the only two 'planning' for that day... xuan and hanwei were also making 'plans' for that day. haha... and it all seems so familiar.
haiz... ferd flew off today. guess it's going to be another 9 months or so before he'll be coming back? haha... hopefully, he'll be around during our chalet again. =)
Thursday, February 26, 2004
it's 00:39 and i just reached home from the cest la vie concert. =) i wont say that it's the best concert that i've seen. in fact, it's below my expectations. but nonetheless, it's a concert solely for commonwealthians i think.
the repertoire was ok. it has a pretty good selection of songs, just that it's being performed to an audience that will get tired of too many religious numbers. it was a bit weird when most of the audience were cheering for their friends and classmates who were in the choir, while we were just sitting there and cheering, for the choir. haha... i think that the overall performance for the choral singing was pretty good. and of course, the alumnis' performance was great. i think it was really good considering that they only had 8 sessions of practice and i think the '5 hebrew love songs' is not easy to master. but the only sad thing was they were performing to an audience who is too young to appreciate. can sense the restlessness of the juniors as the song is quite long. 10 minutes, i think. the second song is a song that need good sense of rhythm, and i think it's quite well-performed.
after the intermission was the musical. i think for a 7-week effort, it's pretty ok. but the musical was way below my expectation in terms of singing. i dont think wei ni was good. her voice was straining. cui jing was ok. louis is really good. jun and i were practically melting. cant really remember the rest of the main characters cos they really didnt left much of an impression in me. oh... janet was good. her role as the witch was perfect. and the other guy who acted as the tin-man was quite alright too. i think the musical was quite a let-down cos they have a superb script. but the technical problems and the not so good singing didnt manage to bring it out.
the musical is basically talking about a batch of students performing 'the wizard of oz' for their graduation. but basically, this play is really significant cos it sorts of relates to us, the ex-commonwealthians. the reasons why we are always back, helping out, joining in the fun, or back, just because we feel like going back.
- Mr Ferdinand Quek
the musical would have been perfect without the technical problems and maybe er... slightly better singers? there was a slide show featuring the interviews of ex-students like xuan, chingyee, liling, yoke chong and this other junior, talking about what they think of css, and why ex-students always like to go back.
at the end of the concert, the choir sang the song that ferd always sing, all this while, as a parting gift for him cos he's flying back to NZ on fri. it was a touching moment. when someone passed the mike to ferd and he joined in, as usual, his singing made a lot of us teared. it has been a really long time since we last heard him sing, plus the lyrics of that song has so much meaning to it.
it was a Commonwealth musical. once a Commonwealthian, always a Commonwealthian. it's a musical solely for Commonwealthians. if you were there and you arent one of us, you'll feel left out and you'll find it hard to understand the meaning of the musical. it has so much significance to us, while to others, it's just another production.
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
wah... this is the day when i woke up the earliest... i woke up at 9.30 in the morning lorx... it's not as though i have much of a choice anyway. when my cousin told me that they'll be coming over at 9.30, i thought they were joking. i mean, HALO! how can my ah see jie woke up at that time? she always wakes up at 14.00 one lorz... even rosalind jie was shocked. er... or should i say, everyone was shocked? hahah...
and so we cleared up my room, throw everything away and then bought paint to paint the room. it was a super tedious job lorz. it took us 4 hours to finish painting the whole room lorz... and after that, i can feel my left hand trembling. =( but when i looked at my room, there's this sense of satisfaction =) hehe. now my room is like super neat, cos there's only my table, my mattress and a bookshelf. haha.. throw the wardrobe away and the new one will only be here tomorrow. well, though all my things are packed in boxes and bags, but my room is like... luan zhong you xu? hahaha... think i'll still have a problem with all my books lorz.. my cousins just cant believe that someone can have so many books.. ahhaah... not to mention all the notes that i'm not throwing away just in case. =X
haha... after spending a whole day on my room, we decided to pamper ourselves and yesh, spent 4 hours in kbox! haha... sang till all of us are practically croaking now. hahaha... but it's super fun lorz. and did i mention that it's on me? -_-" so diaoz lorz... hahaha... and we realy treat that place as though it's a stage or something... haahah... my cousin was acting as though she's singing for the 7th month lorz... and rosalind jie and i laughed till we cried can? haha... it's really super funny... oh.. i'm sure sok wil definitely believe me... afterall, she has listened to my stories about my cousin for so many times, that she knows when the 4 of us get together, it's havoc! hahah...
my cousin was singing the dialect song that we used to sing in class, and she was so emotional and so full of actions, that she didnt even know when the waiter came into the room. my other cousin and i tried to tapped her on her shoulder and tell her about, but she ust ignored us and continue. the waiter was like laughing silently lorz... it was until we really couldnt take it anymore and burst out laughing that my cousins realise that there was another person in the room. and the woman... just sat down on the floor and laughed and laughed. i think it'll be another 3 months before we dare to step into that place again. it was super embarrassing lorz. i think that guy went to tell his colleagues lorz.. cos when we went to foot the bill, the others were looking at us and trying hard not to laugh.. haha.. well, it's not me anyway. =P
it's a super tiring day... but i had a great time too. haha... ok. but i miss another chance to go back to css and do relief teaching. =( well, bo bian lahz.. had to clear my room... hahaha... all my aunts and uncles are funding this "refurnish belle's room" project. haha..diaoz.. yupz... =)
feel so lucky to have such wonderful cousins. hahaha.. i guess, everyone thinks i'm lucky lahz... afterall, it's not everyone who can have 3 cousins who'll pick you up no matter where you are. =)
just heard this song over the radio... it's so melancholic... and it's just so nice for the present weather... not to mention that it's night time now... lalal... just a nice song that you dont really get tired of... =)
你知道吗
爱你并不容易
还需要很多勇气
是天意吧 好多话说不出去
就是怕你负担不起
你相信吗
这一生遇见你
是上辈子我欠你的
是天意吧 让我爱上你
才又让你离我而去
也许轮回里早已注定
今生就该我还你
一颗心在风雨里
飘来飘去 都是为你
一路上有你 苦一点也愿意
就算是为了分离与我相遇
一路上有你 痛一点也愿意
就算这辈子注定要和你分离
i remember mum used to have the tape for this song when i was young...
and every night,
it'll just keep playing and playing with other nice jacky cheung's songs..
hahaha...
well...
it's time to search for old songs again lahz...
haha.. =)
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
argH!
missed out the opportunity to become relief teacher for a day.
-sianz-
didnt realise that lixin called until i woke up at around 9.
hahaha...
well, i think even if i had picked up her call,
i wont be able to make it too...
no matter how much i want lahz...
cos i watched vcd all the way til about 6 this morn lorx..
where got the energy to go back school and 'entertain' the kids....
that is HOPEFULLY i dont get 3/6 or 3/7...
if not, sure yao le wo de ming lorz... =X
stayed at home the whole day except for the 2 hours that i had piano class...
good girl right?
haha... oopZ!
yupz yupz!!!
BECCA TAN!!!
i wanna work!!!!
feel so pai seh for mixing up bec's and fen's bday..
hahaha...
eeee... so er xin!
hm... but then... never mind lahz..
i also sms-ed fen le...
shall correct my mistake in the calender..
=)
feel so sianz all of a sudden.
so many things in mind,
and yet,
it feels light and empty.
i miss that feeling...
and i know,
i'll never get it back again.
-sighz-
Monday, February 23, 2004
夜深人静，
谁又知你现在在想什么。
应该没关系吧
对任何人都没有伤害。
往事也真的只能回味。
***
dont know why..
but when i was watching vcds halfway...
a picture just popped into my mind.
a picture of our chalet,
having only girls...
and apart from bee and hanwei that are attached,
you can almost call it a singles girls' chalet.
haiz..
and what is this supposed to mean?
-sianz-
touched.
really.
if i had seen the sms earlier,
i know i would have just go home and not stay to play pool.
had dinner with sok, lex, steve, linda, shiyang and gan yesterday.
it was like a mini gathering for us.
haha... but it's really quite last minute...
and i was surprised when lex called me to join them for dinner..
haha...
it was fun as usual.
gan ordered too many chicken wings and we had problems finishing them,
so played zhong ji mi ma to finish it.
hahaha... kana once and i was so 'heng' that
i kana at my first call... -_-"
crapped and joked around as usual.. haha..
enjoyable..
but when you have 3 NS guys..
it can be a bit 'gross' sometimes lahz..
but still, tolerable lahz..
cos it's not only sok and me this time mahz..
still have linda and steve.. =)
went to play pool after that... hahaah...
lost to steve... he damn tyco lorx!!!!
kns... irritating! haha..
but the 2 of us were joking around like dont know what lorx..
can even get the ball in when i was on the phone lorx...
steve was damn shocked..
but i also tyco one lahz.. =P
thanx for calling...
it's a big big comfort to know that...
no matter where you are..
you still care...
and yesh... i'm really touched.
how i wish i had seen that sms earlier..
than i'll definitely go and meet you after dinner..
but well, i'm sure we'll always have the time. =)
thanx a lot...
for always lending that listening ear whenever you know that i'm in trouble..
hahaha...
=)
Sunday, February 22, 2004
going back to co was never appealing to me. but there's this sense of obligation in me. afterall, there's no reason for me not to go back anymore. the opening ceremony is over. and i guess, i've had enough of fun for the past 2 and a half months. it's time to go back.
was actually contemplating whether to go back or not today. and in the end, yesh, i went back. and i'm glad i did. mr sim was the first person i saw when i went back. he was shocked to see me, afterall, i've not been back for so long. then saw jeremy and eddie... wah... kana suaned.. haha.. but i expected that lahz.. not to mention mr goh and the lao shis playing er hu.. haha.. they are still as nice to me... and jeremy and eddie were telling me that they are really glad that i'm back. dont know why, but what they said to me makes me feel welcomed, and the fear that i'll be left out in co just sort of disappeared. saw mr yeo and he was like... "wah.. xi ke!" hahah... ArgH! was so pai seh lorx.. then lixia was telling me that she was wondering when am i going back... or am i not going back anymore.. haha.. saw my teacher... and he had converted all the number scores to notes for me.. cos i couldnt read the numbers fast enough to play my zhong ying sheng... =X haha.. so nice right? my cousin was late... haha... but he was quite shuai today lahz.. and yesh... saw mr sim's child. he's so cute lorz!!! hahaha... hm.. hey song!! your teacher's son is really super cute lorz!!! haha.. and by the way, he asked about you...
the only person that i missed and didnt get to see today was nancy. hm.. i wonder how's she. i remember that she used to dote on me very much... always buy snacks for us... and gossip with us or something. haha... those were the good old times, when it's us that dominated co. but now, times have changed, though the people havent change a bit.
tried not to talk to eddie too much today... cos i dont need a psychic that can read my mind? his first question when he saw me was already diao enough. didnt dare to go near him lahz... but he sat beside me when lao shi was away.. just kept quiet. argH!!! i guess, i'm just running away from it.. i dont want him to tell me what's going to happen just like the other time.
was supposed to perform with them tomorrow... but i rejected it. dont really have the mood and even so, there are so many things that i have to catch up lorz. i realise that there are about 10 songs for the concert, and i only know... er... 2? hahah...
it's stress when everytime mr yeo asked a question or something, the whole orchestra's attention is on you. kaoz.. like when he said something about concert and asking about who is available for 20th march, and he asked me to perform and stuff... it's like it was so super quiet and everyone's attention was on me. even lixia turned around and looked at me... and i can only said very softly... "er... i cannot make it." hahah.. told them that i had an appointment, which is true, but to them, the appointment is not really impt.. so didnt tell them why. haha.. well, appointment with the 4/1 peepz leyz.. CLASS GATHERING horx.. dont play play ahz... =)
i'm glad i went back. and i hope, when time finally permits, the others will go back too?
yes, it's over. should i heave a sigh of relief? i feel free. and i feel lost too. cos i'm really FREE now. it's time to look for a job, find things to occupy my time.
i feel that it was a success. it might not have been the best opening ceremony ever, but i think the hard work that everyone has put in has really make this opening ceremony a success. there were times that i feel like just quitting, cos it's so mafan... but after everything, i was glad that i played a small part of it. at that time, i really asked myself if i had really regret being in pj. i got my answer. it's a place where i grow up. a place that makes me become the belle that i am today. it showed me that life doesnt only contain laughters, life is never easy. the ups and downs in this school, have forced me to look at things differently.
i admit i've never really feel very much for the school. but at least i know that, if someone were to criticise pj, i will say something about it. but this can never be compared to the fierce loyalty that i have for css, and sometimes, i wonder why. cos i know that i'm not the only that feels like this.
i guess the next time that i'll step into pj again is the day when we collect our results. a dreadful day indeed. i wonder if a box of tissue is enough. not for me, but also for the people around me. not being sarcastic, just being realistic. and what about after that?
i was supposed to go out with the freneys after OC, but was in quite a foul mood and had to 'abandon' them. felt really guilty cos i know that it was like a long awaited gathering or something.. sorry freneyz..
lie in the middle of the track and did my favourite thing. was there by myself till sok came and look for me. haha.. i guess, among them, she's the only one who knows where to look for me when i disappear suddenly. just had the feeling that it was the last time that i'm able to just lie there and looked at the stars, with videos playing in my head. =)
sat in the middle of the track with linda, sok and pris and had a good chat. i think pris and i were really funny. when i saw her in the middle of the crowd, the 2 of us just hugged and tears just came to us. i miss that princess so much. gan couldnt stand the both of us.. haah.. and i miss gan too. there are times that i cant stand him, especially when his mcp is out, but overall, he's been a nice friend to me.
went home at about 23:30, and that's because we have no choice? haha... the school was closing.
it's over. and what's next?
yupz...
Happy 18th Birthday ky!
it's my pleasure to have you as a xg.. =)
though times have changed,
and things are no longer the same...
but i hope that no matter what happens,
you know that i'll always be there for you...
and you can always tell me things...
and yesh... please dont keep all the unhappy things to yourself..
we're here to share your burdens. =)
thanks for the little things that you've done..
that you may not know..
but have often touched me
and make me smile when i was feeling down.
words so innocent, from you,
and yet,
meant a great deal to me.
for it's because they are "unplanned"
that i know that whatever that you've said...
comes from the bottom of your heart.
stay happy...
hao ren hui you hao bao de...
sha ren ye you sha fu de.. =)
Saturday, February 21, 2004
the scars.
that will never disappear.
as i look at them again,
i realised it was a lesson worth learning.
***
"is death the only solution?"
Friday, February 20, 2004
stared at the sms for so long,
before i finally replied him.
with a heavy heart and tears brimming in my eyes.
as i sent the sms,
tears fell.
cos once again,
i'm forced to acknowledge
the absence.
the presence.
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
the change
happened without me knowing.
when i wasnt being too observant.
when i least expected it.
now that 'it' has changed.
i dont know what to expect anymore.
the best is not to expect anything?
this is just too scary.
Monday, February 16, 2004
playing my WMP now..
until this song came along...
haiz..
how i used to feel that every word has a meaning to it..
and now,
all i feel is they are a pack of lies..
haiz..
spent the whole day at home...
was supposed to meet sok in the evening..
but i was too sianz... and not exactly in the right mood lahz..
dont feel like going out then ms..
haiz...
so sorry about it.. sok.
and yupz...
will be going for the nus concert...
since qq is going =)
now i know why.
and all along,
maybe i do know why.
was sympathy the key word?
as the truth reveals,
and all the words of the others sunk in.
i know that i wasnt gullible...
i just chose to be gullible.
sometimes, or more often then not,
the truth hurts.
no, it wasnt just the 'shooting'.
it's all the 'i never know it's like tt'.
all of a sudden,
i feel so stupid.
i didnt trust my instincts enough..
and chose to let what i feel rule my life.
for once, i wonder if i'm really blessed.
it has much more of an impact that anyone can ever imagine.
and now, i wonder who can i talk to about this?
i cannot even practice what i preached.
i'm such a...
failure?
it never occur to me to drop 'anything'.
and even till now..
i just want to save whatever remains?
how hard i tried..
only to know that it will NEVER work.
not cos it wouldnt work.
cos you dont want it to work
a friend's words kept repeating in my head.
and i know that he's right.
i tried to shut it out.
but different voices kept echoing around.
giam's, yien's, bee's, xuan's, lilian's, jun's, sok's, celest's, wei's etc...
nah... wei...
belle has never matured.
living in her own perfect little world...
hoping that the imperfect world will be perfect.
belle hasnt changed,
and she never will.
i'll always have my flaws with me,
cos it's a part of me.
i just didnt know that it'll pose so big a problem,
to cost me such a heavy price.
i am dependent.
or i was dependent, on him,
then on her.
and now, him.
know not of what to do,
but just stare at my com,
read the conversation again,
and let tears fall,
again.
knowing the truth hurts.
it hurts even more when you know that you've lost a friend...
no. not a friend.
a good friend. a close friend.
but be thankful that,
you gain a friend.
i've always told others to be contented,
but can i really do so?
can i really feel so?
i've still got a friend.
but then,
it's not as though i've got a choice anyway.
it wasnt what i wanted,
but it's what you wanted
that causes things to be like that now.
how i wish i'm born on some other day,
living in another world.
i'm so typical taurean.
that it's scary to know that i can be like that.
the fear of my cousin words sounding true.
i would never want to be trapped in that.
i need to step out of it,
and not let some circle be what my life's all about.
when you dropped a vase,
and it fell to the ground.
all you get are shattered pieces.
that no matter how hard you tried to mend,
and put it back together,
there will always be cracks.
we are just like that vase.
perfect when we were still a baby.
innocent and free from probs.
but as we grow up and face the world tt we lived in,
we're just like a vase dropped,
learning all the different ways of living...
be it positive or negative.
and when you made a mistake,
and wants to make amendments,
you know that no matter how hard you try,
the damage is already there,
the cracks.
"one can get used to imperfect vision.
but can one ever get used to seeing the million pieces of a shattered heart
instead of a beautifully sparkling love?"
that was your question for me back then,
and now i have my answer.
=)
but now i have a question for you,
one can get used to the silence, to the drift.
but can one ever get used to just calling someone, friend,
instead of feeling that he/she's the one whom you hold so close and trust so much and to have come to mean so much?
at least for now,
being honest is the best that i can do,
for myself.
Sunday, February 15, 2004
hm... yesh... didnt sleep for the whole of yesterday...
trying to finish whatever that i intend to give to sok and linda..
and the cards for the xiao guas.
i just feel so dead when i met up with sok and linda.
yupz... receive a pressie from linda...
and this bouquet of paper flowers from sok..
hahaha...
though she claims that it's substandard..
but i think it's really the thoughts that counts lorz... =)
hm... yupz.. and she wrote her message on this big table mat for me...
ARGH!! and i kept complaining about the picture...
hahah... ya... and she knows why lahz.. hmrpf!
went back to css to pass roses to jun, giam and qq..
hm.. since zy is in camp...
dont want jun to feel sad on such a occassion..
so bought a rose for her...
and bought one for giam and qq to =)
hehee!
so happy to see them...
and yupz...
thanx jj for the chocolates =)
then went down to raffles city starbucks to pass roses to xuan and huiwen lorz..
haha...
every year... i also give rose to xuan one lahz..
my standard liaoz i think...
last year also mahz... =)
so went for dinner with ky, sok and linda to kenny rogers...
a long queue... but didnt really take a long time lahz.
saw melia and shu hua... and i was super super happy lorz!!!
the last time i saw melia was thel ast day of our 'A's.
hahaha....
i was really super super tired lorz...
after our dinner... we sat there... talked a bit..
and then stone a bit also lahz..
haha... had fun lahz.. bitching and stuff...
then talking about horoscope... =P
wah... but i was so tired that i almost fell asleep lorz..
and when i woke up...
all of them were trying not to laugh at me lorz.. =(
hm... especially that ky lorz... kns!
hahah...
well... ben ben almost came with us..
but back out at the last minute lahz..
hm.. never mind lorz..
well, good luck =)
hm... there'll always be a chance to have dinner one lahz...
alight at jurong mrt and thought of going home..
but remember that all my aunts, uncles and cousins are attending a wedding at je..
so dropped by and joined them..
haha... fun leyz!!!
haha... saw a lot of relatives that i didnt get to see during new year..
cos i wasnt around than.. =(
hm... yupz... i especially like these 2 uncles of mine...
they are the sons of my grandfather's brother...
argh... complicated lahz.
hahaah... they know i'm a fan of soccer..
haah... so we always talk about it one...
and one of them kept updating me with the man u match that was going on just now.
hahaha...
though they are my uncles...
but they always feel more like cousins to me lorz...
they are always super nice one lahz... haahah... =)
hm.. yupz..
saw this cousin of mine who is older then me by 2 years...
wAH!
what a change!!!
hm... he's getting more and more good-looking...
argH! hahaah...
and he's really nice also lorz..
hm...
haiz.. caught his eyes when i was about to go home..
but then just smile and went off lahz.
too lazy to entertain people le..
well, hope to see him soon....
cos... he's really nice lorz... hehe...
lalall.... enjoyed my day...
and the conversations on this day.. =)
lean onto the glass panel,
and my mind gets into action.
words replaying themselves...
and pictures keep playing.
questions unanswered..
and doubts just ever increasing.
i looked at the one in front of me...
and feel a sort of despair in me.
as though hearing the sound of cloth being ripped apart.
it was the most comforting thing said to me today.
and how i hope it was true.
praying hard that there'll be chances that it's true?
but no one can be sure of it,
unless the one that really involves ever admit so.
oh.. fat hope!
i know i wasnt the only one thinking.
i wasnt the only one that is trying to picture the future.
and somehow,
in that picture,
i only saw the 2 of us?
the sudden urge to release your grip,
and just let go.
everything.
off they go.
kites.
caged bird.
and who am i?
Saturday, February 14, 2004
yupz! went back to school for rehearsal today...
felt so cheated.
was just back for an hour ONLY.
waste my time.
haha.. talked to ben ben though... =)
hahha... as usual... it's always entertaining lahz. =)
hm... yeyeyeyeyyy!! saw yirang back in school today!!
was so happy...
and the two of us machiam characters from the old chinese movie..
running and shouting the name...
then hugged each other =)
miss her so much =)
went for dinner with my cousins and aunts..
haha... yey! as usual... so fun =)
hm.. then helped my cousin with her com..
can you imagine a com idiot helping another com idiot?
haha.. well... you've got one here... =P
hm... got home 2 hours ago..
but just came online..
cos my cousin came up to my house..
and we started chatting with my aunt...
and as usual lahz... funny conversation..
with full of rated stuff...
kaoz... what to do when you got a house full of women?
haha... yupz..
and as usual.. my younger cousin and her jokes again lahz..
lalala...
yey! they are going to help me with my room soon..
wah... but think i'll die with all the things that needs to be done..
thanx to my dearest sok...
i'm all stressed up now!!
kns...
shucks!!
this is the first time that i didnt really do anything for my friends on v-day lorz...
kaoz...
ya.. and she's TRYING to finish her gifts now...
ARGH!!!
make me so tempted to do something..
but i've got no materials with me leyz..
just dont have the time to go buy them...
shucks!! shucks!! shucks!!
if i start doing the pressies...
i know.. my night sure wan dan!
damn it!
tomorrow is going to be a long day lorz!!!
ARGH!!!
well....
I JUST HAVE TO THINK OF SOMETHING!!!
hm... 5:36am..
and yesh. i'm still wide awake...
trying to source some quotes for the cards..
haiz..
i feel like dying...
read so many quotes...
and can relate to most of them actually...
there is one..
that i really really like...
"A friend is someone who can see the truth and pain in you,
even when you are fooling everyone else."
it simply reminds me of that time in seoul garden..
haha... and for this utmost special quote...
yupz...
it's for the css peepz.
it doesnt matter how long we know each other...
be it 4 years or 6 years..
we just....
know each other.
Friday, February 13, 2004
dont feel like thinking about it,
but it just kept popping up in my head.
A levels.
shucks! really dont know what kind of results i'll get..
but it's definitely NOT going to be FANTASTIC.
i'll be thankful enough if i managed to scrape through for geog...
afterall, that's my worst already.
was on the phone with sok just now...
and i was wondering what i should do on that day.
kaoz..
think i'll just leave that piece of paper as it is..
and just dont look at it.
self-denial.
and so?
i should be entitled to some right?
spent my whole day at home...
doing nothing but just sleep...
and then watch some tv...
and REST
just dont feel well...
plus i cant really go out also lahz..
my mum's gonna slaughter me real soon...
'she sat there, all alone, with a lost look on her face. and when she finally snapped out of it, she continue with what she was doing. she just doesnt seem to get tired of it. folding one after another, trying to fill up the bottle that she had. it's almost full. almost. but all of a sudden, she just turned the bottle upside down, took everything out, and left it empty. and it should just be that. empty.'
hm... well, as v-day draws near..
i have a new job now... hahha..
just changed from a part-time councillor to a part-time v-day consultant -_-"
haiz.. do i really look like someone who knows what to buy for v-day?
i'm having a tough time myself lorz...
how would i know??
kaoz...
but then for guys, things are quite standard what...
hm.. oopz.. thinking about flowers..
i better send a gentle reminder to someone who thinks that flowers are not important..
to get flowers.
almost fainted when he told me last year..
"why must get flowers?"
-pengz-
but all is well lahz...
haha.. yupz.. and he still owes me a treat for that...
so up till now... it should be two treats from him le =)
Thursday, February 12, 2004
after a long long day...
listening to the song that is playing in this blog...
really makes me feel like tearing...
but then,
it's been such a long time since i teared,
so guess, it's not going to work also.
yupz.. i saw the symptoms.
felt it coming when i realise that i was getting edgy.
and as expected.
had a fever just now.
went into spanish class hoping that it'll be fun,
but then came out with a headache.
wah! just struggling so hard to follow...
but at least, i'm familiar with the numbers now.
no problemz! =)
that's the only consolation i think.
haaha... had fun talking with xuan before and after the class...
in a way, i'm glad i joined her for spanish...
cos at least we still have some time to sit down and talk
despite our busy schedules... or should it be HER busy schedule.
hm... the more i listen to the song...
the more i love it.
hahah...
just like this kinda music lahz...
suitable to blast at night and it feels cool and good..
somehow, it just suits the atmosphere sometimes... =)
it's just like the other song.. "i love you so much"
wah... was surprised to receive a call from joseph today.
hahaha... but was glad too lahz!!!
it's been so long since we last talked lorz..
haha... wonder how he's doing.. hahah..
missed him a bit lahz...
hm... miss teasing him A LOT! haha..
oopZ! dont kill me!
hm... but didnt get to talk to him for long..
cos i was in the middle of rehearsal. =(
well... guess i'll see him on the day of OC lorx... =)
yupz! just had a good chat with kor on the phone..
haha... super happy!
and it's like FIANLLY lorx..
hahaa.. he called me the other day and wanted to talk...
but i was on the phone for 4 and a half hours straight...
until he fell asleep waiting for my call lorz..
haha.. so sorry...
but then.. "first come first serve" mahz..
just that sok jumped queue lahz!
hahaha... as usual... the conversation is forever thought-provoking lahz..
hahaa.. not only for me, but for him too...
talked about the things that are happening in his life now..
and yupz.. analyse his character a bit lahz..
haha... well, he's a libra lorx..
haha... got shoot by me like nobody's business...
and so, what's new?
it's always the case lorz.
love this kor of mine so much!
haha... though he's a kor...
but he has never been really strict on my or what lahz..
in fact, most of the time...
it's me lecturing him lorz..
haha.. and he didnt mind at all lorz..
hahaha.. and i feel so privileged...
cos not everyone gets to nag him...
hahah... and well, he used to be the TERROR in ncc lorz...
haha
yesh... and stupid gan sent me this stupid sms that is like so outdated!
kns! it's damn lame lorx!
but i shall excuse him..
since he's out in the jungle with the bugs for three days...
hahaha... yupz... and we debate a bit about guys in general over sms lahz..
haha...
miss this pal of mine! =)
oh...
congrats ah jj!
hahaha.. i told you what..
well, i'll be waiting good new from you again horx!!
for your 100m event..
but then, it shouldnt be a problem for you lahz..
since it's been YOUR event for the past 2 years...
make it your collection ba.. =)
eh... and i'll try to get the song recorded lahz...
hahaha. but listen le..
DONT ~ horz!
=P
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
wah!!
yesterday was my first day back for my piano class lorx...
ok.. and i have a new teacher now..
she's called mdm renee...
it's NOT yq horx! haha
hm... she's damn pro and damn nice...
but she's damn strict too...
kaoz!!
an hour of lesson and i did nothing but played two scales...
HALO!! it's TWO scales!!!!
fancy a dip player playing two scales for her lesson..
almost fainted.
and it's not just scales lorx..
it's the touch.. the feel.. the sound..
EVERYTHING about that two scale.
it's the toughest lesson that i ever had in my whole life lorx!
hm.. but i think she's damn pro lahx..
hm.. oh... and if i had not complain about this...
i'll complain now...
i WAS NOT a choir member!!!!
NEVER in choir
kaoz...
that day... when the css junior in pj thought i was in choir...
i was already about to faint lorx...
and sok was enjoying herself THOROUGHLY
laugh like nobody's business lorx!
hm... than that day.. out with jj...
and he thought i was from choir.
i almost murdered him on the spot.
ARGH!!!
irritating!
there's nothing wrong with choir...
but i cant sing for nuts!
so yupz... pls spare me...
and let your ears have peace.
eh jj... sorry ah..
cant go tml ahz..
cos as usual lahz... i need to go back to pj.
but then,
i'll be waiting for your good news ah..
and pls lahx!
i think you'll just win the race again lorx..
like you did for the past two yrs.
yupz... good luck =)
yey! it's 10th feb again!
hahaha... a date that i'll always remember =)
went out with qq for dinner just now...
haha...
we really had a great feast at sushi teh lorx...
hahaha... ordered so much food until there wasnt enough place for anymore food.
kaoz...
were laughing and joking..
and of cos.. bitching in sushi teh.
hahah...
haha... when i asked her if she's free today the other time..
and she was like saying she cant go too far or something..
i was thinking she must have forgotten about today..
but still, managed to persuade her out.
hahaha...
it was a funny moment...
when we met up at heerens and both of us were holding flowers...
hahaha...
wanted to sort of give her a surprise initially...
but then... hahaha...
it was just funny. =P
we just kept laughing as we walked from heerens to sushi teh lahz.
cant help it lorx...
bleah!
it's a special day...
yes it is.
words need not be said much,
but the company itself is comforting enough.
to know that it doesnt matter where we are,
but we know that we'll always have each other.
hahaha...
when two women get together...
it's just disastrous ah?
more resolutions, more determinations...
just more of everything..
to get rid of the 'unwanteds'
hahahaha....
well, good luck oh!
and.. roam around lahx...
there's no need for you to 'choose' now.. =)
happy sisters' day! =)
and oh ya... i got back my hp!!!
yey!! so happy!
everything is intact.
nothing's gone.
smilez, smilez and more smilez.
Monday, February 09, 2004
"Are we at war tonight
Will there be angels whispering to midnight
Don't wake when lightning strikes
My heart for you is true
Let no one take that from you
Time is running tight
Can't change from wrong to right
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little
Just like how we used to be baby
Its time to say farewell now
No need to cry of feelings
Oh it's alright
I'll end the end of lies
Heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go
I will love you till the end of time
Every breath of mine
I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace
My sweetheart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can change my world from black to white
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little more
Are we at war tonight
Will there be angels whispering to midnight
Don't wake when lightning strikes
Heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go
I will love you till the end of time
Every breath of mine
I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace
My sweetheart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can get me straight to fight
Till the sky is burning
It's the end of time
Look ahead tomorrow
Long and winding road
Keep the faith of mine
Don't let it go
You're the only reason
That I'm growing cold
What would I do
Without you
I will love you till the end of time
Every breath of mine
I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace
My sweetheart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can make my world so bright
Life no longer ends here with you in my heart
In my heart..."
- let me die by nicholas tse
recommended by jj the other time...
hahaa... nice to listen at night lahz..
especially when it's raining outside..
er... but not suitable to those who are mending a broken heart pls...
ya.. and you know who i'm talking about.
yesh... it's time to listen to happy tunes...
if you dont have ANY,
I WILL SEND YOU!
每次的对话都让我想起好多事情
我们都知道自己在想什么
知道逃避根本就不是办法
我不想连这美丽的回忆都失去
真的能把一切埋在地里吗？
真的行吗？
真的有效吗？
如果真行
那教我如何是好吧。
我也想把它埋在地里，
然后做个记号
这样它真的就不会消失吗？
每个人都在飘浮着吧
根本就不会有个安心之所
我们的选择，
往往就和别人不一样
或许这次，
不是你应该在这的地方
而是他应该走吧
我和你不一样
该来的时候就会来。
Sunday, February 08, 2004
went to the bodyworks exhibition with yien and jun yesterday. yey! had fun there, and i think i'll try to avoid sausages and hotdogs in the futures... especially the chinese la chang... cos it really looks like those intestines that they had in the exhibition. kaoz... gross...
the 3 of us talked all the way to expo, and then all the way back. hm... was listening to the cd and ya.. some flashbacks lahz... but well, it's the past. let jun listened to the song, and i saw tears shimmering in her eyes.
went to catch a movie at westmall. haha... ya... watched the last samurai AGAIN. well, since jun wanna watch, then just watch with her lorx... i dont mind watching a second time actually. hm... saw THEM in westmall... and they damn smart lorx... shout my name from the 4th storey... almost wanna slaughter them lorx.. so pai seh k??!!! hm...
ya... and i think yien is so super guilt-ridden, since a sentence that was harmless actually served as a reminder and slap back to reality. didnt know that he will react like that. really got a shock. hm.... well, but it just simply means that he's more emotional as compared to the others? a typical kind of his horoscope... haha.. oopS =X but well, i'm glad that he's ok le lahx... at least, he has the answer that he was looking for. it might not be the answer that he wants, but still, at least he can plan his next step. it cannot be stagnant like now.
you have your answer...
life goes on, with or without her.
but it just seems that..
it's gonna be without her..
heyz... dont let yourself dwell in the past...
it's time to just move on..
and yesh.
i'm finally in the position to say...
whatever i've said =)
click, click, click and click.
trying to connect my way to my future.
to realise that i dont have a future at all.
humans are always greedy..
they have it,
but they want it more.
but sometimes,
they just have to have more,
or it just wouldnt get them anywhere.
feel so lost after looking at it.
stared at it for so long that i didnt know what to say..
felt like talking to someone about it...
to anyone about it...
felt like just crying...
read the lyrics and listen to the song...
and now i'm just full of questions...
for i know that the words hod no truth..
there were just words to pacify...
***
hm.. read something just now..
which just drives me into further thinking mood..
wtf
i guess...
sometimes, i do wonder about it too.
but i disagree with the 'advise'.
no matter how tough it might be..
why shouldnt we just hold on?
but sometimes,
you hold on,
not because you want to..
but you are just afraid..
that one day...
you'll regret that you let it go.
wtf.
i'm just driving myself crazy with all these nonsensical questions!
read through conversations and conversations..
tryin to recall what the feeling's like.
laughing at silly names and stupid mistakes...
where problems are everywhere...
but not in the conversations...
enjoyed every minute of those times...
simply because i was talking to someone
whom showed me and makes me understand certain things..
things that i never thought i could comprehend.
and as those conversations started to become recent..
i realise gone was the carefree tone..
just awkwardness...
and silence.
silence used to be comforting...
but now,
it's simply unbearable.
a simple sentence that caused me to think so much.
to wonder if it's just bad english...
or really written as it's intended.
am i one of those with regrets...
or just simply one that is not the kind?
oopZ..
or am i just simply thinking too much?
-sighz-
i need to talk.
Thursday, February 05, 2004
my head kept ringing with the single word that jun said to me the other day...
and it's starting to really bothers me.
kaoz...
i felt that indifference that i needed to feel.
and i was glad that i felt it.
it was all i needed to know that things are ok.
not bothered by it,
cos there's no need to.
taurean i am,
stubborn as i can be.
but i realise that i'm still no match for aries and virgos..
hahaa...
cos bee is the ultimate and xuan is another one..
oh... not to forget the super ultimate, gav
you'll find similarities in virgos..
just like i do...
in xuan, jj, jia, gav and jun..
hahaha...
it's funny when i think about the conversation that i had with xuan ytd..
i guess 6 years of friendship really shows...
in our thoughts, and the sort of chemistry that we have...
the sort of childish behaviour back then..
just brings lotsa smilez on my face... hahah.
aiya... hai xiao ma.. =X
talked a bit to jem...
and didnt know what to say..
so decided to just joke around..
instead of well... having two depressed souls..
haha...
yupz... got the lyrics from steph le..
so happy!
think i shall typed out the full lyrics someday...
and copy one for jj too...
and then i'll pray damn hard that he wouldnt kill me.
and yesh... dear xuan...
pls try to get sh to do his hw..
before he really cannot catch up with his work..
kids.. are really kids leyz..
and i wonder how's sc's ears.. oopx!
it's not my fault...
xuan asked me to pull one.. =X
hm...
miss wei and celest...
so long never see qq le...
miss jun and bee also..
but never mind, we'll be going out tomorrow...
miss sok too..
but we'll be meeting up on sat..
and ya... miss the super noisy and bitchy yq...
haha.. =X
hm... and miss bros too...
going through the chapters...
reading through the pages..
flipping through the book.
unlock the memory bank..
go through the days...
laughing at the memories..
remembering the tears...
floods my mind...
and i am willing to let it be...
stabs of pain..
feels the hurt...
saw the wounds..
and then the scars..
every scar tells a story..
yet no tears came...
not even threatening to fall..
immunisation jab.
becoming numb for the moment.
gather the thoughts again...
throw them back into the box once more..
lock them up and keep the key.
life still goes on...
nothing has changed.
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
some of the best things that people have ever said...
"life still goes on, with or without him."
"whatever will be, will be."
"what's meant to be, is meant to be.
what's not meant to be, will never be."
"he lost someone that loves him, but you lose nothing. you're just getting rid of someone who cares naught for you."
"thank him for causing your fall. cos it just makes you even stronger when you climb up."
"tears are signs of weakness. but it also shows that you are humane too."
"you will know it when it's time to just let go.."
hm... was on the phone with qq just now.. and was talking about a lot of unspeakable things... hahha.. well, just some things that we've never talk about =)
haha... talk a bit about the things that are going on now, and a bit about others. just sort of reminds me these quotes.. cos i kept hearing and seeing them somewhere. hahaa.... i think i've also used them to encourage others too.. haha.. well...
whatever will be, will be.
P.S: please dont give me 'que sarah sarah' horx.. YOU know what i mean.. =P
yey! haha...
saw mr yong today and i received this yellow star from him =)
ahah...
it's just a small star with my horoscope sewed on one of the corners...
haha. so happy!
hahha... it's not the first gift i got from him lahz..
but i'm just super delighted to receive something from him lorz.. =)
hahha.. yey!
and it's a star leyz!!!
i simply love starz lorz..
hahaha.. =)
yupz...
he was encouraging me to go overseas for my uni..
cos he thinks that it's always better to have further education abroad..
it's not only about education..
but also a good experience.
hm... yah... was thinking of that...
but dont know leyz...
have doubts and stuffs...
plus, i guess i'm going to be super lonely there.
without anyone with me and stuff...
plus, live is just going to be very quiet leyz..
-sighz-
dont know leyz...
we'll see how, i guess...
maybe it's time to just get away from here...
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
walked lilian down to the bus-stop before going back to xuan's house. was talking a bit about how fast time has passed. somehow, time has never really affect our friendship in anyway. it seems as though that we've just graduated from css yesterday. there are countless of things for us to talk about. we are never tired of each other. our bonds just grow stronger and the faith never waver. yepz! i've a neat bunch of people with me.. progressing together =)
was thinking of some other things too when i walked back to xuan's house. just felt so drained all of a sudden. stared at bee with a blank look on my face and bee just gave me a hug, knowing that i needed that. ya... it was all i need to set the tears flowing free. think i gave jj, mag and peiyan a shock. oopx.. pai seh ah.. jj was holding the box of tissues beside me lorx.. -pengz- so paiseh... sianz.. hahah. guess, beneath laughters and smiles, there's a different side of me too.
was talking about relationships and guys and lot of other things at xuan's house yesterday, when most of the people have cleared and went to wei's house. there were only bee, celest, giam, huifen, jiajun and me. haah... as we criticise and point out the common flaws that guys have.. all of just kept looking at jj's way.. haha.. think he very poor thing ah... feel a bit intimidated? cos we just kept glaring at him, as though he's at fault lorx.. haha.. it was a funny sight too lahz =)
realise that we're always trying to tolerate some nonsense that we never used to think that we can tolerate. but when it comes to guys that we like or something, we'll just try and overlook them. kaoz... this is like the one common point of all the 4/1 women? haha.. hm.. especially the more stubborn and strong-headed ones in the group... sianx.. always tolerate and tolerate, then when we no longer able to tolerate it, we'll just blow it all off and not give a damn about it. hha... finally, our conclusion is... "life still goes on, with or without you." hahahaa... and i think it's so true... this was also what i said to jun when she asked me... what is going to happen to her if she lose him... haiz... giam was surprised by my sentence lorx.. and almost got kicked by me lorz... haah.. well, hey woman! times are different le horx... " haha...
updated each other when i met up with lilian first. and from lilian's reaction, i know that lilian is no longer the same mu zhu in the past, forever being bullied. she's now able to fend for herself and any guys that dare to cross her path or offend her, is going to have a hard time. hahaa.. lilian was telling me that.. "i'll not let any guy bully me again. i've really learnt my lesson. any guy who bullies me, i'll just kick him in the asse.." hahaha... mu zhu ah mu zhu... haha... =)
miss huifen so much... she just seems to disappear for a period of time... so kns... haha.. but so glad to see her yesterday... lala! well, think we're having another gathering soon... i hope...
and yesh.. choir's concert on 25th... try and go together lahz... =)
Monday, February 02, 2004
yepz! in wei's house now... hahaha... so decided to blog first before getting back to them =)
went to mdm chang's house in the morning. i was really super tired lorx... afterall, i reached home at around 3 in the morning leyz!! hm... went out of my house at around 11 and took a cab down to mdm chang's house. we almost lost our way trying to find our way there. =P hm.. as usual, mdm chang ordered lots of food fitting for 50 people, but in the end only 8 of us turned up, cos everything was just too last minute?? well, i think 15 of her dancers turned up lahz.. so maybe it wasnt all that bad. and as usual, i'm the 'special' one. just feel so blessed that i was rejected by rv and got in to css instead =)
hm... then rushed all the way down to jp to meet the kxgs. almost got slaughtered by them cos we were supposed to meet at 15:00 and i was late. met up with lilian too =) sooooo super duper happy!! bought all the ingredients from liberty and set off to xuan's house. that sh... dragged jj with him to meet mag.. so kns! =P hahah... lala.. hm... there were so many people there lorx!!!!!! xuan, giam, yien, jia, kianbin, becca, huifen, yihua, qiujie, jenni, hanwei, huiwen, liling, bee, lixin, jun, zhong chi, jiajun, songhui, sheng chuan, benedict, mark, li cheng, kenneth, xiao ting, mag, peiyan and me!! i hope i didnt miss out any names at all!!
well, was busy talking to jun, so came over late. haiz... missed the rest of the people... especially boy who is in ns now!! -sighz- hm... and the rest of the guys also lahz... but luckily, we had a great time in xuan's house. =) well, talked for about 3 hours at the gate of wei's house... and bbq at the same time.. haha.. talked about almost everything, and linked almost everything to horoscope. hahhaa... sometimes, you'll just wonder if people can really classify according to their horoscopes. it just seems so true.
lalala..... yeyeyeyey! i really enjoyed myself... bit how i wish we had time to take more photos... =( hm.. ok... xuan is now fast asleep le... AS USUAL. hm.. and bee and celest are still awake. lala... yey! the 4 of us are staying over today.. soooooo happy!! =)
lalalala.... ok, i'm done. hahah...
yupz! end my day with a big smile across my face! =)
Sunday, February 01, 2004
just when i was so down, giam brought me the best news ever!!! hahahaha...
well, mr yong said we're his favourite class... =)
*big smilez*
and yesh....
i'm his favourite student!!!
hahaha... and i wonder why!!!
hahahah... hm...
maybe cos i was the one who always give him attitude?
hahaha...
lalala...
yeye!
so near yet so far....
the feeling's so distant.
getting used, but not good enough.
the reality is right in front of me,
and we ALL know it.
i chose to overlook it in the past,
but now it smacked right in my face.
a simple sentence from a long long friend,
that says so much and says the truth.
a nod of acknowledgement from someone that is always with us,
to tell me that what was said is no lie,
it's the truth.
it's just that i didnt notice it,
or at least,
i CHOSE to believe in miracles.
but now, i know,
miracles only exist when people work for it.
it takes two hands to clap,
and for once,
this hand is getting tired of doing the work.
hm... rush here and there like nobody's business today.
went to school, then to gav's house then to movies with xuan and the kai xin guos, then to my granduncle's house then for supper with my cousins. wah!
hm.. well, my cousins are trying to get me to go and learn driving..
hahah.... keen leyz...
but worried about the money...
it's going to be damn EX!!!
hm... yey!
my two cousins said that they'll come over to help me repaint my room..
hahha.. then we're going to refurnish it too =)
hahahah... ya..
i've always known that they really dote me...
hahaha... yupz...
they very nice right?
*smilez*
hahha... got this lyrics from steph today...
and sort of use it to gek jj...
think one day,
jj and sh sure die of my teasings and suanings one lorx...
told jj about this lyrics...
"i love her, like no others.
forever, there'll be no others.
but if her heart,
belongs to somebody else,
i'll give all my blessings to them."
lalallaala...
and after everything...
jj was telling me to send him this song...
almost fainted...
he's really a 'sucker' for all these sad songs lorz..
-pengz- ah!
lalalala...
zZZzZZ
